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2007 lifeimagination e-Newsletter
I’ve taught a unit of emotional intelligence as a part of a Senior Seminar at Utah Valley State College for the past three years. In the process, I’ve studied each of the resources listed below in order to provide a clear understanding of the concepts that enhance our emotional intelligence. As students practiced skills in this area, their self-awareness increased. Self-awareness in the Life Creation Process is the fundamental piece—gathering information about self, what has meaning, and our deepest desires. As I am always looking for ideas that enhance self-awareness, I wanted to provide information and resources about emotional intelligence in this newsletter.
Exploring Emotional Intelligence
In a sense we have two different kinds of intelligence: rational and emotional. How we do in life is determined by both—it is not just IQ, but emotional intelligence that matters. IQ contributes about 20% to the factors that determine life success, which leaves 80% to other forces. Emotional Intelligence is your ability to know when and how to express and/or control your emotions, as well as how effectively you get along with other people.
The word “emotion” literally means “energy in motion.” What we feel as emotion is the experience of energy moving through our bodies and it works at a higher speed than thought. Emotional energy is neutral; it’s our thoughts that give it meaning. In other words, we choose what our emotions mean and how long they last.
Take stress in our lives, for instance. The solution to stress management lies in how we perceive the stressors in our lives. It’s not really events that cause stress; it’s how we perceive those events. Because stress is a response, not the event that triggers the response, we can control it. Once we shift our perception of a situation and see it with heart-focused clarity, our potentially stressful reaction can be reduced or released. Stress, then, becomes an untransformed opportunity for empowerment. We can’t necessarily change events in life, but we can broaden our perception of them. That’s the secret to managing and reducing stress.
Emotions we can change include anger, fear, anxiety, worry, and melancholy. Emotions we can develop and strengthen are those that produce good moods, hope, optimism, and flow. Exercises for a stress-free life include: deep breathing, expressing appreciation, relaxing, visualizing success, slowing down, smiling, saying no, and accepting what you cannot change.
Emotional Intelligence is the key to better relationships and enhances problem solving. Several kinds of skills can be practiced that help us develop emotional intelligence. These include:
• Controlling our impulses in order to delay gratification. For instance, we willingly discipline ourselves to get an assignment finished before we do something fun. We wait and save the money to purchase something instead of buying it on credit or we eat something nutritious instead of a sugar snack.
• Persisting in the face of frustrations instead of giving up or giving in to a tantrum. It means that we look for what we are learning, what we are curious about, and think about how we will be patient or grateful.
• Expressing enthusiasm and being self-motivated to make progress. We choose to stay focused on our goal even when things are difficult.
• Experiencing empathy in behalf of others. We step outside ourselves and seek to understand others without judgment or comparisons. We genuinely express appreciation. We listen and then listen longer without feeling the compulsion to give advice or tell our own story.
• Regulating our moods. We assess what we are feeling and take care of ourselves. If we’re exhausted, we get rest. If we’re sad, we find someone safe to share what we’re feeling. If we’re angry, fearful, or worried, we tell the truth and take action. It means not giving in to making excuses, blaming, whining, or complaining; rather it means taking responsibility for our response.
• Keeping distress from flooding our ability to think. When we’re in an emotionally frustrating situation, most of us can habitually raise our level of anxiety. When we do so, we enter the “flight or fight” situation and adrenaline floods our body. The blood leaves the brain and our thinking becomes muddled. Slow, deep breathing brings the blood back to the brain. It also helps us relieve tension. Expressing gratitude for what we’re learning about ourselves helps too. Then we can decide a course of action.
As you read through the list above, you probably noticed right off which one would be good for you to work on. Choose one to practice and set up a plan for a week detailing what you will notice and what small beginning step you will practice during the coming weeks.
Recommended Reading:
Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman
Emotional Intelligence at Work by Hendrie Weisinger
Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman
Stress Free for Good by Fred Luskin & Kenneth Pelletier
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